Guest Post: Episode 2 Continued…The Park Situation

Mel is a friend of mine who has recently moved from Seattle, Washington to Leesburg, Virginia. We’ll just call a spade a spade – she moved to the opposite side of the country. This social butterfly is finding that the east coast isn’t the same as the west coast…at least when it comes to making new friends.

She keeps trying, though.

Mel has told me her stories about attempting to make friends and it’s just not what she had anticipated. First, she went to girls night and THIS happened. She, later, talked her husband into finding people at the park. That story is HERE.

Once you’re all caught up, scroll below to see the continuation to Episode 2.

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My husband met a couple at the park that I am FINALLY thinking will work out. That story HERE.

Continuation…

The husband responded.

God, I’m embarrassed to even go any further.  Seriously.

He explained that I probably wouldn’t hear back from his wife for a bit because she is swamped with two kids under the age of two.  Sure, sure (saying from Cougar Town…if you don’t watch that show then you are missing out tremendously), I totally get it – it might take her a few days to respond.  So I think to myself, perfect, I can wait a few days.

Then,  he provides me with directions to the nearest Nordstrom Rack.  Let’s just stop here so we can all feel the gut punch that I felt.  Out of the entire email all he got was ‘Gee, I’ll go ahead and get her on her way to Nordstrom.’  Seriously?  I mentioned Nordstrom in my email as a conversation starter, something funny to read, something that would maybe pull them in and give them a little snippet of my effin spectacular personality.

I think we can all agree that my email didn’t land.  How could it not land? It was PERFECT. If I would have received that same email I would have cried pure tears of joy and responded with ‘Is now too early to meet for a drink?‘

Whatever. I found the nearest Nordstrom and did buy myself two pairs of Havianas that I rock on a daily basis and even got some M.A.C. powder.  I may not have any friends but I REFUSE to roll around without good make up while wearing TEVAS.  YES, I was wearing TEVA flip flops for a period of several weeks because I could not find my damn Havaianas.  At least that crisis has been handled.  Anyway, moving on.

Did the wife respond?  Let me sum this shit up to you in one word: NO.

It gets better.

About a week after me sending ‘the’ email to ‘the’ couple, Chris and I were discussing the communication exchange or lack thereof and he says ‘You know what? I remembered them mentioning something about how they enjoyed spending time with their BIBLE STUDY GROUP.’  I literally looked at him, with a straight face and said ‘are you f*cking kidding me BROWN? Nice RECON!’  Here I was thinking my husband would never steer me wrong.  Yeah, I take that back.  He basically put me on a bike with no helmet covered in honey and told me to go ‘that way’ towards 20,000 feathers.  Gosh, he is so sweet.

Meanwhile, Chris is standing there laughing, and at the same time I can feel my bowels dropping because I feel sick about how much of an ass I just made out of myself.  Don’t worry, he is STILL laughing while eating something super fattening and I’m just sucking on water.  Whatever, I digress.

THEN I SEE THEM AT THE PARK.  FML.

Friday night, my daughter, Kennedy, and I head to the park because it’s balls hot and we have nothing better to do with our time since the ARMY scheduled Chris at a four day training event on Mother’s Day Weekend.  GO ARMY.  Assclowns.  Let’s set the stage.  It’s just Kennedy and I at the park.  It’s a courtyard type situation where all of the townhouses are around me and the sidewalks cover the perimeter of the park.  If you are on the sidewalk you have no choice but to see who is at the park.  You with me?

‘The’ couple starts walking toward the park with their stroller and two kids.  I’m thinking, ‘Oh good god and I don’t even have any booze with me!’  My heart is pounding and I’m at a loss as to WTF I would say once they get to the park. Do I act like I have no clue who they are? Do I smile and wave like an idiot? Do I ignore? Where do I put my hands?  Seriously, kill me.

No worries, they came up to the park and took a sharp left AWAY from the park and AWAY from us. Not once making eye contact or even looking in our direction.  You might be thinking ‘Well, maybe that couple doesn’t know it’s you.’  I’ll give you that BUT they know who Kennedy is.  They all just sat around and played for like an hour.  All you moms out there know that you don’t forget another kids face after you play at the park with them for an hour and talk to their parent at the same time and exchange contact information.  Right?

Needless to say I’ll be on Google finding a new park where I can drink!