I’m in a funk

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TawshainaFunk

I’m in a funk. Like, big time.

My personality is one of extremes. When I have an idea and I’m focused on something, I’m unstoppable. When things get slow in life or other people are in control of my pace, I get all wigged out. I feel gloomy and stifled.

I also like to be in a good mood, I like helping others and I prefer to be the person people can come to instead of consoling. The past 4 years of my life have involved a lot of consoling and little “come to”. I don’t have massive drama or horrible stories (counting blessings) but I just feel blah.

In a 24 hour period, I caught my son opening his screen on the window of his second story bedroom. He had thrown a toy out and was reaching through the window. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. All I could think about was what could have happened. Then, to top it all off, our dog ran away right when it got dark. There was no way we were going to find that sweet yorkie.

I felt like woman of the year on that day.

(We did find our dog at our neighbors house – we are so grateful for them)

Starting organizedCHAOS was an act of passion for mom and I. It’s our natural personality, we aren’t told to be one way or another. We can just be us. I love blogging and I love blogging with my own voice. I rarely edit anything (as you’ll see) and I love LOVE connecting with you. Comments are everything. When I get an alert that someone is following the blog or we get a new fan on Facebook, it’s a full-on party in my office. This is no joke. To have someone show their personality in a place like this site is incredible. We’re basically building a friendship community.

On the other hand (negative side), I’m working at a part time job where there are rules, systems, and little room for creativity and input. While this place is an incredible company, I’m just not cut out for following certain guidelines with no wiggle room.

Bright spot: I am on-air at a radio station here one day a week. That show is something I look forward to all week. I love it. Having a background in morning radio has changed my way of thinking about work. For 10 years, I woke up, talked about life and pop culture and then came home and continued to live. I LOVED IT! The opportunities are few right now so this is what led me to the whole part time job.

I need to get out of this funk. I don’t know how and I don’t know when.

I’m also extremely nervous to publish this post because I don’t know how it will be received. Do I look weak? Do you trust me less? Do you understand?

What I want, more than anything, is for organizedCHAOSonline to be my everything and what I do day in and day out.

I’ve been really focusing on “Living in the Moment”. I’d love this moment, right here, to last for a long time. Later today when I’m working, I don’t want to live that moment at all.


(Start at 4 minutes 22 seconds to get the point)

I’ve promised you that I’d be open, honest and not hold anything back. This is what it looks like.

tawsha connell

Tawsha Connell
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20 Comments

  1. Um…..first off, you are awesome! Its weird cuz I sort of barley know you even though I have probably already given you many TMI moments. Anyhoo…proud of you lady. I haven’t been where you are now but i have no doubt that I will be someday so cheers to being strong a staying positive.

    • Thank you, sweet Riley. I’m a fan of you as well. We were obvi meant to be friends. Your TMI moments are matched with mine so we’re even. Yeah, this “season” pretty much blows but what’s interesting/funny/insert emotion here, is that I’m seeing so much good throughout. It’s an interesting little situation. I met you. That’s one example. xoxo to you and many drinks in our future.

  2. Friend, we all get in funks. I appreciate your vulnerability. The real strength is not in someone who does not get down, but in someone who is down that shares their need. What you do is incredible. Every time. EVERY TIME. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – you are one of the most courageous people I have ever met. You have an idea, and do it. I have an idea, and then turn around and pet my dogs, and get back to my boring life. Hug yourself and think of me when you make yourself a PSL. Once I get the package in the mail that is…. πŸ™‚

    • Oh my goodness, Carrie. That means a ton to me. Thank you. I have a billion ideas so whenever one comes up, I think I have to act on it every single time. Perhaps I can chill on that little issue, huh? Your life isn’t boring…it’s actually quite interesting to me. xoxo to you and thank you for being such a good friend. PSL4LIFE

  3. Gotta say your blog ROCKS!! I read about it from a FB friend, but wanted to thank you for having the courage to post something that we all can relate to. It’s encouraging and inspiring to know that no one is immune to all aspects of life (good and bad).

    • Oh my gosh! Thank you so very much. I appreciate your friend for sharing and I appreciate you for taking the time to take a peek. Welcome! This funk is starting to pass. Maybe I just needed more people to understand for me to feel better. It’s nice to unofficially meet you. πŸ™‚

  4. I think you’re brave and awesome for opening up and sharing your real story rather than just the highlight reel. Also, this blog really spoke to me last week, thought I’d share: http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/04/02/stuck-in-the-doldrums-an-attack-plan

  5. I don’t even know where to start. First off, I’m coming from a place of knowing the power of your awesomeness. Maybe you’re in a funk because when you’re so awesome it’s tiresome. It has worn you out. Now I’m not suggesting you lay low on the awesome-sauce, I’m just suggesting you show yourself the same kindness you show everyone else in your life. I’m not being sarcastic or silly. I’m super serious. I have been in the biggest funk of all (so I get it) and I think it’s because I think I’m supposed to be doing all sorts of stuff. I’ve come to realize I think I need some time to just let it go and not have a plan of where to go next. I’m such a planner (I’m assuming with your OCD and ADD you are too but since I suffer from the same condition my plan changes a lot…what was I saying?) and this is hard for me to accept. It’s hard to be at peace with knowing that tomorrow I’ll figure out what the next day will bring. πŸ™‚ Hang in there, friend. You have a slew of people lifting you up and supporting you.

  6. How does a “comment” become a “thought” on this thing? I’m a little pissed I only get to “comment”. I have “thoughts” here!!

    Just kidding. Yay for being vulnerable, admitting that you prefer the feeling of helping and creating to being stuck or scared and sucking, and hitting the “post” button instead of scrapping this until the next DIY pulled you out if your spiral! Every person reading can relate and none of us are thinking less of you for either being that way today or sharing the moment.

    I personally have screwed up several communications with parents and administration just this afternoon at my creative, fulfilling, utterly time and money-sucking dream job! I look like an incompetent, well-meaning and over-eager ass! Which, I am, and anyone who wants my position would have to get past my eye-clawing over-chewed flying fingernails first. Plus face seventy kids tomorrow afternoon who would want to know who stole their awesome coach. Not my fault I am not (yet!) fantastic at making up for the red-headed-stepchild treatment middle school sports receives at every level of administration. Hypothetically. At, you know, some schools, maybe-! This is a completely unfair assessment. My Athletic Director is AMAZING. The combination of crazy me juggling all the balls of my life, though, and no one but me taking my teeny tweeny kick-athletes seriously does create… problems… sometimes. Such as me, looking… Real.

    I also went to church for the first time in probably over a year on Sunday, and do you know what it gave me? Zombie dreams! I realized, chatting with my run buddy at 5am this morning that this zombie dream, where I sorta was a zombie, but sorta wasn’t, and was living trepidatiously among zombies, just kind of waiting for them to figure out I was not down with the scene, totally came from visiting church. Holding the “first time visitor” carnation and being chatted up by regulars after the service, having had a very enjoyable experience but also, knowing what a fine line I walk being in a House of God when… I don’t believe so much. Don’t deserve the flower LOL! Ugh, Zombie dreams. What’s wrong with me! To be fair, also saw a trailer for “Warm Bodies” this weekend… See, it’s not all me! But this sense of being … Other?… Dang most of the time? Well. Yup.

    And, not to make this all about me, don’t take this the wrong way, I enjoyed your vulnerable post. Not enjoying seeing you struggle but recognizing how awesome you are and thinking, “Bah!! Seriously!!” (Love the guy who just kept telling you the STH up!) It makes me imagine someone else out there for me, watching me flounder and flop in my self-induced sea of doubt and thinking, inside THEIR head, “Oh for the love of Pete, SHUT UP, you are AWESOME” while just telling me, hey, thanks for being there…

    Right?

    Love you!

    • Not to take away from the time and effort you put forth by commenting but all I’ve got to say is: Church? Zombies? Wait, where’s my Dee? xoxo I love reading what you have to say. Your thoughts are so interesting and I feel blessed to be your friend. Blessed…it has something to do with church. πŸ™‚

  7. Tawsha people love you because you are real and you show all sides of you. Dude, you would be so lame and I would hate you if everything in your life was sunshine and roses. we ALL get into funks – I don’t say that to minimize your funk – I say it to say that we have all been there in one way or another. We are all fighting our own battles. You are awesome – right down to the core. I believe in you. I believe in this site. I believe in your dreams and I believe in your future.

    Ok so you are in a funk. Stay there for a moment, figure out why you are there, see how you can change a few things (and yes, I know you are already working on a few things) and then stand up, put your big girl panties on – you know….the itsy bitsys from Costco (you can choose your own pattern….me? my favess are my light pink ones, but I digress)…anyway….once you have those panties on then you follow up with a blog post of HOW you got out of the funk OR explain steps of how you are getting out of the funk.

    Take baby steps. Do small things that will help your outlook or your situation. I know you have a closet in that house that could use some organization. I’m SURE there is a DIY project that would put a smile on your face. Yes, I know these are SMALL things but those small things lead to bigger things and they help us focus on bigger things.

    I can gar-ron-tee you that you are not the only one in a funk on this website and I can promise your post has helped your fellow inter-web homies.

    Keep keepin’ it real yo.

    Love you madly….like seriously!

    • Amen! Love what you had to say, Melinda. πŸ™‚

    • Wow! Melinda you said exactly what I say to all my friends. Big girl panties are a must to have in every color. I was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago, i’ve had two surgeries and each time I go to the doctor i get scared, get in my funky mood and try to be strong each time for everyone around me. But when I’m alone (I’m a widow) i cry like a baby, yell at my computer screen that is showing pictures of happy people, eat an ENTIRE box of mint girl scout cookies, then out come the big girl panties….and all is better. We ALL need to allow ourselves to feel in a funk once in a while, its what shows us we are human and have feelings!!! I know it’s hard when you have a family to take care of, and really hard when they are leaning out their bedroom windows but as long as your good days out number your bad days and you have a happy healthy family…..let your self be in a funk…..it’s ok!!! You’ll come out of it and be all the better…..I promise!!!!! I wish i knew you in person, i feel like I do….You’ll be fine!!! We all understand πŸ™‚

      • Suzie, I had NO idea. Oh my goodness. Talk about being strong. I admire you and appreciate you writing. You pretty much know me in person. I’m just the same. πŸ™‚

    • I love YOU my little sweet. Having you in town will erase all sad sad sadder-ness and get us drunk drunk drunk ness. Wait…what? LOve you!

  8. Caitlin Robbins/Devlin

    I’m reading! I think a case of the funks is going around, I’m in one too – hang in there! πŸ™‚ (Supes scary about C, tho!!!!)

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